Monday, March 30, 2009

Then I will gather you, I will rescue the lame... the captives, I will bring them home.

Zephaniah 3:17-

Portland Friends -> sign up and get involved the invisible children RESCUE taking place in portland this april.

Sunday, March 29, 2009

David Copperfield.

God bless Ms. Betsey Trotwood.

also... i forgot about Uriah Heep.

watching david copperfield.

if i could not only travel through space but also time to help people and love on them on behalf of Jesus...

I would probably travel to London in the 1800's and love and nurture the poor children in the workhouses.

Friday, March 27, 2009


today i'm going on a retreat with my church.

i'm excited...
a little nervous...

i would really appreciate everyone's prayers... i think the lord is really trying to teach me something and i don't want to miss it.

i talked to john wallace about it actually.. which.. thats our president here... 
he is absolutely amazing.
listens to the holy spirit during our conversation... has the perfect thing to say to STUMP me the know-it-all and leave me thinking.  he's incredibly encouraging and not only prayed for me... but is taking me out to coffee this week.

i sorta realized that... i don't think all of me loves the Lord all of the time... and it kinda broke my heart.
i think i really just love being right all the time.
and i love the familiarity of my christianity.
i love being the person on top with all the answers.... even the one that says "i don't know" when THAT is the right thing to say.
i am really pretty conceited and i think a lot of my pride has affected my view of martyrdom to being faithful in little.

When I agree to become a martyr in my head its all about the glory and the story and what people would think of me following.

But isn't the whole point of that an incredible love for Jesus that is so great you could just never deny him?

so aren't i faced with that every day?

I don't think I really love the Lord.
I love the idea of being one of the people that really KNOWS how to love the Lord.

and it really kinda broke me.

i told John Wallace about it... and he suprised me with telling me that he thinks i just need to be "withered" for a while... like the withered hand on the man in Jesus' story in Luke.
I thought his point was that I need to then reach out but... 
it wasn't.

he said that he thinks i should just sit in my aloneness for a while...
observe and be withered.

so I'm going to unpack that statement this weekend.

what i need to accomplish today:
1. shower
2. laundry
3. figure out homework that i'm taking
4. go to the marshburn library to get children's poetry books
5. call mike
6. go to west : get wire cutters : cut pieces to make my deer for 3d design.

pack list:
-red flannel
-socksx 4
-underwears x 4
-white tanktop
-tennis shoes
-flip flops
-jacket for snow, thermal, leggings, shoes?, gloves? 
-book of songs
-razor, soap, shampoo, makeup, blowdryer,

Thursday, March 26, 2009

Library Program.

So on thursdays I go read to these kids at this daycare in the community by my school.
My children's lit class partners with the Glendora library to try and instill the importance of reading in small children.

I was so blessed today.

Children are amazing.

Listening to what their brains jump to when merely a color is added....
a fabric.
a simple toy.

Victor screaming for joy and exclaiming that there was blue and orange on the cieling... i look up and the light had reflected off of something causing there to be colors above us..
he was so excited.

one of the little girls calmly observing that our ribbons during the ribbon dancing time looked like elephant ears when you held them up to yours.
then she came up and draped a red one over me and said... youre like RUFF RUFF.  clifford? i asked and she smiled and nodded.

I love after we've finished whats on the agenda when we open the box to play.  Kids are getting hurt and crying or whatever because they got wacked in the eye with someone elses ribbon mid twirl.  There's these 2 kids who i guess function like an old married couple all the time and boss each other around.

But theres this one little girl.. the oldest i think... who i absolutely adore.

She listens.
She sits there and smiles really genuinely.

Our box today was music themed... so we had all these music books with shakers and ribbons for dancing and little fish shaped castinets...

after we finished reading this other little girl dragged a book over to me and i sat on the couch while SHE read.
it was pretty adorable... the plotline not what we've read but purely from observing whats going on in the pictures... which is better..  
"The dog is wiggling.  That is spinning (his tail).  It looks like a star.  Theres grass."
And then she got on this kick where she needed to ask ME how many things were on each page... (she was obviously used to being asked by me to count things or point things out).
"Show me the Dog"
"Point to the grass"
"How many bee's? Count them."
"Show me the Luna."

pretty wonderful.

Then my favorite girl came over (of course she had waited her turn).
Sat down with this book we read about this frog who starts a band.

Now keep in mind, a lot of why i'm so amazed by these kids is that English is their second language... and not only do they speak it very well but they understand reading and counting in both english and spanish... and the oldest girl is 5.  Everyone else is 3 and under.
This girl seriously remembered the book.
She wasn't just making things up like what was shown in the pictures.
She knew what every page contained in its words.

I almost started to cry it was such a beautiful moment.

She remembered on the first page that there was a marching band advertisement on the wall.
She remembered before we even saw the page with the father on it that froggy's father had yelled for him to stop playing his sax so loud cause he was on the phone.  that froggy had said... i'm on the SAX ophone.
She remembered that when the band marched they werent to look Left or Right because then everyone would pile up and fall over.

I cannot WAIT to have my own children.
I totally understand why God wants us to be like them.
I totally understand why he loves us if he views us liek them. 

And at the end after singing "We Clap and Say Goodbye" they all ran up and gave us hugs and one girl said "I love you."
I just can't handle that.
I love children.

And when I went to the car with the other girl Missy, all the kids ran out on the grass and to the fence and smiled at us while we got in.

i love them.


what i'm doing:

I'm choosing to support invisible children's efforts to free the child soldiers of the LRA.

their new campaign is asking us to wear the same 2 shirts from now until April 25th the day of the RESCUE.

we will be advertising and spreading the word about what is going on to raise money to bring the children home.

in 9 countries, 100 cities people will be abducting themselves and sleeping out in the streets together to protest what is going on in Uganda.

in So Cal we will be meeting at the Santa Monica Pier ... (OC has a different location).

There you will be waiting for the Three Rescuers: Media, Money, Moguls to come and rescue you.

we will not be leaving until they show up.

This means... that these famous people will be committing to bringing an audience of the world with them to view us... and it will be happening all over the globe.

On APU's campus we will be spreading the word by wearing our t-shirts.
we will be hosting our own Rescue on Cougar Walk one night in the middle of the week.

and I am currently planning a day of Fasting ending with a Lock in to pray for Joseph Kony.

Here are the links:

Tuesday, March 24, 2009


sooooo i've been GETTING READY for like an hour...and have accomplished NOTHING.

all due to the fact that i just rediscovered my incredible love for grinding my teeth and kicking up my heels to taking back sunday.

i FREAKING love them.

20 20 surgery.
20 20 surgery.


well its not the quantity that bothers me.
its not the quality that bothers me...

i'm gonna make damn sure that you don't ever leave.

gosh i love listening to stuff that has the raw edge of middle school, first impulses and trying to impress dan.

all the music from the era of liking dan still gets me.

i wanna like take a roadtrip with him and just pop in and play all the music that shaped early high school for us.

such a good time for the music.


i looooove this song.
i wish i could go back to sophomore year and go to this show with jamie.

you catch on QUICK.

Monday, March 23, 2009


i wante to watch atonement.

i hate whoever borrowed that and didn't return it.
so incredibly dumb.

listening: i'm from barcelona

ha. i wish.

so i'm drawing some siamese kids wearing a tailored siamese narwhal costume.
or maybe they are siamese narwhals just letting us see their faces :)

its pretty cute.
this new little art journal is turning into a pretty adorable showcase.

stressful but no.

ok... so HOW good did Catling do this morning?

when he came into 3d i started a little applause for him... you KNOW he loved being up there in front of everyone. 

a man of simple pleasure: enjoys basking in the appreciation of his cleverness.

added some strange color to the mobile above my bed... with the teabags and seafoam now there sunrise orange flower petals drying out.
the color is astonishingly beautiful.

picked up a little journal.  AS IF i need another one... but i'm such a sucker for clean white crisp new pages.
plus seeing hayden's sketchbook's online made me realize how much i've been neglecting mine for the simple reason that i'm lazy following studio projects.

today i drew a girl and a boy.
a bowl of rice.
and a pinecone.

with the pinecone you can see that i'm really exploring this like... sense of geometric in the organic.

i've become somewhat fascinated with it recently.

the next 3d project is a seethroughlightsource.
not a lamp.

and i want to do this deer on its back with its legs tucked up that i drew.
i'd have to create the frame using wire and forming very octagonal shapes... but the vellum and rice paper (whichever i should choose) over the top will form softly...


i'm sorrrrta annoyed with azlyn for being a lazy and poor LAC and letting down the girls in the hall with our gift for our RA.  
i had to put it all together last night at the last minute because she neglected to tell anybody about it for 2 weeks and then didn't say a thing when the due date passed.


welllllllll tonight is a night to work on art things. 
stressful but no.

Take Charge.

i think i'm going to run for LAC next year.

Sunday, March 22, 2009

la la la.

- i am going on foothills college retreat next weekend... not very many people are going... but i'm sort of glad of it.  i need some real alone time with the Lord.  and i feel bad i've neglected REALLY involving myself.  i hope they bring a piano for worship... because i would really like to play during some free time...   i miss playing WITH people for worship... 

-i organized my files on my computer last night... sort of amazing how much i misplace simply because i neglect to save things where they should go.  now i have 2 major folders: "l'ecole" and "some art" with a few dividing folders inside of each.

-i want to go watch Where the Wild Things Are right now... on a screen in the middle of the woods.  IDEAL.

-i'm in love with hayden's sketchbook.  so inspiring. he is so talented and his ability to give expression to the most simple linework in a face is outrageous. i LOVE it.

-today will be spent doing a text set for children's lit and finishing the middle part of my Inductive Study for Luke Acts.

-I know what i'm doing my theme research on for the Inductive study... The Kinsman Redeemer type found in Boaz and the antitype in Jesus...
I knew I wanted to elaborate on the word "redeem" that is so rampant in the passage i've chosen... but i hadn't thought to take it out of the "purchasing" setting.  But of course the Kinsman Redeemer is straightforward as well and will be illuminating.

-Here is a list of books I want to buy in the next year for my shelves:

Austin:  Sense and Sensebility, Persuasion, Emma,  Northanger Abbey, Mansfield Park

Confessions of St. Augustine

Barrie:  Peter Pan in Kensington Gardens

Baum:  Dorothy’s Adventure’s in OZ



Burnett: A Little Princess, (Different copy) Secret Garden, Little Lord Fauntleroy, The Lost Prince

E. Bronte: Wuthering Heights

Byron:  Don Juan,  Fugitive Pieces

Carroll: Through The Looking Glass, The Hunting of the Snark

Chaucer: Troilus and Criseyde (Tristan and Isolde) CHECKMARK!, Christie,  The Secret Adversary,  The Mysterious Affair at Styles

 Conrad:  Heart of Darkness,  Crane,  The Red Badge of Courage

Nesbit: The Railway Children, Five Children and It,  The Wouldbegoods


Saturday, March 21, 2009


so the same guy i fed like a month ago was outside of jamba just now...
sam and i were at Ross and then stopped to split a jamba.

he asked for food so we took him into quiznos.

he's so wonderful... "is a meatball ok?"  (as if i'm going to be liek... eeehhhhhhhh just not THAT one... honestly... meatball sub sounds AMAZZZZZing right now)

i loved that the lady working there asks... what size? and he just stares at me... and i get to say LARGE.

that just put a huge grin on my heart.

who orders that size??  nobody.
its outlandish...
but honestly... just the idea of seating that guy down and giving him a feast sounds wonderful.

but sam said something while we were leaving that really convicted me.

i mentioned how i can give money... but i'm not really good at conversing with them... i dont think of the right things to say... i'm just not good at that in general.

and she said that in her anthropology class they talked about how a lot of those people ... as much as they want food... they need companionship and conversation.

i need the Lord to help me converse with people.

whether it be the jr highers i counsel.
or a homeless man....

certainly i bought him a 6 dollar meal... big woop.
but i didn't even think to sit down with him while he ate it.

it makes me wonder how many guestmeals people have that go unused every semester.

what if we started bringing in homeless people?

i know that they've thrown out a guy who was in the library before...
but if i honestly said... THIS IS MY GUEST... would they dare do anything to them?

and just imagine watching someone who hasn't eaten in a while in the CAF.
dangggg the caf would feel loved.


im all about.

Fleet Foxes - A Take Away Show from La Blogotheque on Vimeo.

i'm an idiot.

i'm so upset with myself.
i worked for like... 5 hours last week on this layout for these complex pages for mike...



so, not only do i have the pleasure of a jpg. but also a useless psd without any of the like... 50 layers i was working with.
i have to do it ALL over.

this is outrageous.

how could i be so careless?

engstrom sweatshirt proposals

k well.. obviously these would be on sweatshirts...  & the back version is a man's body 

1. i am changing the TROM to read ENGSTROM because... i guess not everyone uses this loveable nickname (which i definately get).
2. the voted sweatshirt stands at a black hoodie... so all the black writing will likely be white.
3. the concept is that integrity is worth more than diamonds...  : hence the larger diamonds and the tie in with the one small diamond for a period following "INTEGRITY worth more."

feedback would be nice... considering i'm not the only one going to be wearing these.

Friday, March 20, 2009


i love making little connections:
doing the small Literary devices portion of my Luke Inductive study (luke 67-80) & i asked a question in the questioning part about the "house of his servant David."
simply for the fact of observing a figure of speech - house as a way of saying ancestral line...

but then i realized...
David's house...

The city of David: bethlahem was where Jesus was born.

I've learned recently in our Ruth study at Foothill that Bethlahem means "House of Bread."

how interesting...
it seems the more I learn... the more I realize that often Jesus merely perpetuated metaphors that YHWH had already written into history...

Jesus is the Bread of Life...
coming out of the House of Bread...
David's house...

idk small connection... but interesting nonetheless.

I wish i could go to Clayton McDonald's service at Cornerstone tomorrow...
How ridiculous that i've never met him and I want to touch his family... prayers for them are flowing from my shoulders... idk how to describe that...
its that wish to carry things for people.

God take care of all the children with Leukemia.

Final thoughts,
I mentioned again to Mike about wanting to go to India... requesting he keep his ears open for a good way to get me there.  He was able to tell me that his good friend is opening a transitional center for girls there soon. ( my gosh! )
I didn't expect this to become available for another 5 years... but I could actually have an opportunity to start working at a center in the summers.
It wouldn't happen til next year... but just imagine... I could actually pursue my dream.
It's tangibly close.

possibilities for grahm to see.

i personally think the 3rd image would look best with the simple cursive words "space music" in the corner... idk if you originally intended for the entire body to be present... but because 1. the body is disproportionate and i'd have to redo it all...  & 2.  because the detail seen in the face is seen up close...
i think this is the best option.

it is not however.. my music...
so it is completely up to you... simply tell me what you want and ill do it.

Thursday, March 19, 2009


1. this is scary... 
2. i think i've been more a part of it than i want to admit... 


Oh, let's get rich and buy our parents homes in the South of France let's get rich and give everybody nice sweaters and teach them how to dance let's get rich and build our house on a mountain making everybody look like ants from way up there, you and I, you and I



you and i, you and i...

i didn't finish my project for 2d.

but i'm hanging it anyways for critique... its better than half of the stuff people put up usually anyways...

if i were honest... i'd say i was dissapointed in myself... for giving in to lazyness when it came to art.

but i dont feel like being honest.

i'm feeling much to pleasantly free to be reminded of my lazyness right now.

you and i, you and i....


i'm really excited to take greek.

i've never really thought about that as being a language i'd really like to know...
but now... i really want to have some basic knowledge of it.

the new testament professor who was at Coram Deo last weekend said she's trying to organize a trip for art majors to visit Rome... and travel all over Greece as well...
it would be art majors and early church history students... 

that would be an amazing experience...

i just need to sort out how i could go to India, Oxford, Ireland, and Rome. :)


Wednesday, March 18, 2009


in keeping with all the irish intake i've had recently...
i'm watching Waking Ned Divine 

i wish ariel were here.
we laugh so hard at this movie.

worst human.

i just had my academic advising appointment....
the ceramics teacher is the worst human ever...
At one point during the process i looked over at bill with my sullen sunken dead man's eyes (due to her droll) and he started laughing... you know that when the head of the department is willing to admit one of his professors is a drag its true.

1. ceramics is really not an art class... but they require it??? its sorta the butt of everyones jokes... kids who take ceramics by choice are not artists...
2. this lady is horrible and she's the only prof. who teaches it.

walk in and grab my sandwich and water.
take my folder.
get assigned to HER... (immediately i'm scanning the other professors to see who's pile is smallest... of course Bill's is the largest but he sees me and waves me over to put it in his... ) 
OPE SHES CALLING MY NAME ( and i don't want to be rude and obvious about preferring someone to her so i just suck it up )

OOOhhhh the rumours are true.

she opens my folder and in the most nasaly terrible condescending tone says
"your a freshman... and your taking 2 400 level classes  HIGHLY UNUSUAL."  
with her eyes pinning me to the ground with their weight.

i explain myself...

i show her the courses i've plotted out...
explain my plans for study abroad...
"you want to take 3 studio classes, VERY UNWISE." ( gosh... could you be more condescending... aren't you supposed to be HELPFUL!?)
i explain to her that... umm every art major is supposed to have 3 at this point.... i was supposed to take 3 this semester but opted out in order to take a 400 level art discussion class... 

(she does this A LOT... what an OGRE)

she convinces me NOT to take intro to computer graphics and figure drawing back to back... (6hours of studio class in a row is pretty difficult)

soooo instead i end up with my only other option... 

6 hours of studio class back to back.

what an idiot i am.

so now i have ceramics and sculpture back to back... YEA RIGHT.

theres no way....

andddddd its her as the professor... not a chance.

i'm going to find a way to take printmaking if i have to... 
just get me OUT of there..

i mean.. i don't really want to take figure drawing if it means i have to miss kaleo... but i have to at some point... so i should just get used to it...

as it is this is my schedule:

SUMMER: health & math at pcc, Christian Life Faith and Ministry online,

FALL semester:  
Elementary Greek
Intro To Computer Graphics
College Algebra

trying to organize in my schedule:
Figure Drawing & Painting

sooo sculpture and ceramics can wait while i organize this thingie... 
idk if i can handle another 7:30 - 10:30 class... last semester was murder.... plus i'd miss kaleo...
but its only offered fall semester... and i plan on going to oxford i'd have to wait til senior year... which is outrageous.

unless i took it IN oxford. which would be amazing.

Tuesday, March 17, 2009


so... i made this little illustration for 2d a couple weeks ago... it is sorta cute... i'm going to probably do a few more.

telle mea wuht y00 theengk.


i built a porch.

emily defined.

so today i was telling lauren about how stinking structured i am now...

like seriously...
maybe it isn't apparent on here because i still appear scattered... but i'm ridiculous.

its like i woke up got out of bed and was TYPE A.

i run.
i eat cereal for breakfast.
i wear the same outfit all day.
i do all my homework.
i spend hours in the libraries and at starbucks.
i go to bed at a decent hour.
i read before i go to sleep... and i limit it.... as in "OK emily just 3 chapters tonight" and i stick to it.
i wake up at 8:30 even when i don't need to.
i get on facebook maybe once a day.
i eat balanced.
i drink water.
i recieved a 96 on my luke acts midterm... gaining me the highest score in the class... and when my prof passed it back he said "no suprise there" which... noooo that IS a suprise.... i'm not really an A student... :/  but i guess we change.

its like..
i became a healthy balanced version of myself.

and lauren laughed and then became worried... 

"youre still emily right?"
(and then proceeded to charge me to go nuts over spring break)

Nuts equaled sleeping in.

Monday, March 16, 2009

because of the last post.

but really... thank the lord.

boo ya.

i got a 96 on my Luke Acts midterm.

and i'm basically JOHN HENRY working through the inductive study...
i could beat a computer if i had to.

let me end this with a shiny proud smile and a wink.

Sunday, March 15, 2009


listening to : jackson : June Carter & Johnny Cash
eating: jamba : fresh and easy berry MEDLEY (ha)

last night's forum was amazing.

Patricia Andujo- African American Studies and Literature
Warren Brown- Psychology, Fuller Theological Seminary
Connie Brehm-Nursing
Bill Catling-Art
Monica Ganas- Theater, Film, Television
Guy Kinnear- Art
Carole Lambert - English
Michael Mata- World Vision, National Director for Tools for Transformation
Bob Mullins- Old Testament and Near Eastern Studies
Rich Slimbach - Global Studies, Sociology
Kay Smith- New Testament
Jacquelyn Winston- Historical Theology
Young Lee Hertig- Global Studies

Its one thing to take a class from one of these professors and soak up their knowledge about a subject such as the first 5 (500 haha) years of christianity or the holocaust or the history of typography....
but to listen to all of them discuss a complex theological concept such as embodiment... 
to respect each other but argue from their perspectives ...

i love my school.

i'd go to this every week if they had it.

Craig Keene is amazing... and I think i'm going to pursue going to this group every time...

What we ate : homemade bread and honey/ apples/ oranges/ carrots/ celery.
if the CAF fed me this... i would always be satisfied.

In the early 21st century, we seem to have fully adopted ancient Greek Orphism concerning "the soul" : human beings have bodies,, but are the souls temporarily housed in them.  Our conversation will be one which problematizes this notion and transgresses disciplinary boundaries so that we may understand the various dimensions of human beings as bodies all the way through and the implications of " embodied" ---- rather than  "disembodied " --life.

wholism vs. dualism
are we nonmaterial souls trapped in bodies? (descartes, augustine = neoplateism)
What is the relationship between our brains (neuroscience) and our souls... 
dependent. soulishness.
BERRY:  soul/ body/ community/ world ---> contempt for the body leads to the contempt of others bodies : depression/ self inflicted pain/ selfishness/ slavery/ genocide

Hebrew Bible: Gen.2 God is originally a potter/ animals and humans hold the breath of life

----> argued point:   pain (closest male understanding to birth)      WILL I EVER RECIEVE PHYSICAL SALVATION?

----> rebuttal: Alister McIntire: An understanding of embodiment gives the Church more understanding of disabled bodies... because we ALL are disabled in some way.

global studies: china's word for spirit is "chi" which also means "breath."
---->ties to THE LAND. (reminder to view the GARDEN this week)
the land and I are insepperable.  Interdependent paradigm.
-----> early church martyrs understood this idea of enduring physical pain to further understand or express their devotion.
this however became a way to identify heretics.

PLATONISM: what it brings Augustine in 400 AD - innovation: bodies w/ souls was originally disliked because it was too strange

-> looking at the Bishops role to understand this

---->Understand that our pace does not allow for feeling breezes or tending our INNER GARDEN. (robert blind)  gives us understanding of natural rythms which is a great purpose for our bodies.

in art: differentiating between social classes : hairy and dirty (workers and not intellectuals), clean and hairless (intellectuals)
problems of looking at those in the dirt experiencing the moanist views : viewed without souls by the dualists.

We are STILLL dealing with the problem of the fall : BE LIKE GOD: escape our humanity...
do we ever bother to wonder if Jesus' being in a body was a pleasure?  Not just a lowering from the spiritual but enjoyable?

sacred space, cycle of the seasons, cultural holidays

RELIGION: embodied practice of what it is to be the body of christ
(forget the mantra : its not religion its a relationship... thats stupid ahhaha)

African Christians don't emphasize belief but "following"
Maslows Heirarchy of Needs: we do not ascend to spiritual (beauty, ethical, moral contemplation) until basics are met (safety, food)
---> Auschweitz : "NOW we take care of our bodies"  (people have to have basic needs met before they even contemplate suicide.... they must be fed before they try to die)
(holocaust examples sound extreme but the people Jesus went to were closer to this than we understand.... exiles, beaten, shamed prostitues)

we are to be the scaffolding of others.
we exist dependent on the scaffolding of our community.

(prima levy)

where does the garden exist on the inside if you cannot tend it because of the bad on the outside?
THE DISRUPTION of the garden : evil.

Sexuality and impregnation?


i HATE when i sleep through meal times. 

Saturday, March 14, 2009

tt = 3.14

1. woke up to baseball sounds and country music... one of those days...
2. went outside onto trinity lawn to discover some major production going on.
3. runners... today was also the 5k marathon for REZlife.
4. andrea and i went to breakfast... BEST CAF BREAKFAST EVER!!!!!!
a. almond muffins
b. poppyseed muffins
c. waffles + warm DELICIOUS raspberries... 
d. cranberry juice/apple juice/ club soda = best thing everrrrrrr
e. michael groth arrives and tells us of a CIVIL WAR REINACTMENT OCCURING ON WEST
5. andrea sam and i race back change and go to west
a. guns are firing
b. smoke is blazing
c. teepees are up
d. kids are DANCING.
e. old people are all dressed in traditional garb
f. there are little drummer boys pat-a-pan-ing.
g. there are corn husk dolls
h. i got to HOLD A GUN.
i. in n out catered
you don't get more freakin american than this.
i'm so proud of my country.

6. sam and i sat on the lawn RIGHT SMACK DAB in the middle and just observed people... i've not laughed that hard like.. since i've been at school.... 
7. big lots : got a cake displayer (stupid 10 dollars) ... bought seafoam amazingly soft sheets and pillowcase :)
8. made my bed. and then got in it.
9. nap.
10. woke up and came to west again... now i'm in the wedge working on my 3d design project
11. at 6 i'm going to the CORUM DEO theological panel of wonder.
a. Fuller Seminary/ my FAV art profs and theo profs ... along with a bunch of people i've never had... 
basically... the APU ELITE are battling it out discussing : DO WE HAVE BODIES? OR ARE WE BODIES?
b. skipping dinner for it.
12. working til midnight then going back with andrea
13. sleep
14. 7:45 SWAP MEEEEEEET!!!!! :)
15. church
16. 2d design project til midnight.

happy pi day.

catchy (me).

I could write my name by the age of three
And I don't need anyone to cut my meat for me.
I'm a big girl now, see my big girl shoes.
It'll take more than just a breeze to make me

Fall over, fall over, fall overboard, overboard.
Fall overboard just so you can catch me.

But as strong as I seem to think I am my distressing damsel,
She comes out at night when the moon's filled up and your eyes are
Bright, then I think I simply aught to

Fall over, fall over, fall overboard, overboard.
Fall overboard just so you can catch me.
You can catch me.

I watch the ships go sailing by
I play the girl will you play the guy.
And I never thought I'd be the type
To fall, to fall, to fall, to fall to fall.

To fall over, fall over, fall overboard, overboard.
Fall overboard just so you can catch me.
You can catch me, you can catch me, you can catch-

I watch the ships go sailing by I be your girl will you be my guy.
And I never thought I'd be the type to fall, to fall.

To fall, to fall, to fall...

To fall over, fall over, fall overboard, overboard.
Fall overboard just so you can catch me.
You can catch me, you can catch me.

ingrid michaelson: fine frenzy : erin mccarley : rachel yamataga

Friday, March 13, 2009


when Knightley proposes...
"marry me, my dear, and wonderful friend."

i just become GIDDY inside.

Thursday, March 12, 2009


skylark : rigmor gustaffson


making paper sculpture out of old maps.

going to fall asleep watching Emma.

good evening.


why have i become so obsessed with 60's pop.

its WEIRD.

my mom .. last summer was like... "emily idk why you don't listen to crosby, stills, nash & young" i think you would LOVE them...

i was very condescending and annoyed ... 

k... welllllllll
pretty much them, dylan, and the 60's pop sounding she & him, fleet foxes albums are all ive been listening to.


A woman who had a turn.

who's life was in a series of wrong turns... in a labyrinth.

was pulled out into a beautiful page turning story... the story of God's redemption for mankind...
and she finds herself in the lineage of our savior

and God's heart towards us is that he wants to reach down, he wants to SAVE us.

and that salvation is not just a one time turn but its a series of turns.

a series of turns

a series of turns

& a series of turns.

what happens when you keep turning?

you begin to ... like little children... whirl.

& I think of David as he was doing what... dancing before the Lord and wasn't dressed...

but it says he danced before the Lord and he danced with all his might...
he whirled before the Lord.

And i think that that is what the Christian life is intended to be like...
that we may feel like we are in a labyrinth at times... but when we realize that God is leading it is more like a dance.

There's beauty and majesty and rythm and purpose and progress... and sometimes the moves are difficult.

and sometimes they're easy

 but they're always ok as long as we stay in the arms of our savior.

she trusted in the Lord and her life became one in the lineage of Jesus.

Have I turned over my mind, life, spirit.... to Jesus today.

that I might have faith like Rahab.
a prostitute...

who will go down in history as a prostitute... but was changed.

Rahab means WIDE...
God's grace is wide and deep and his ability to take us in is vast.

he throws our sins as far as the east is from the west.

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

kaleo tonight.

Even though I walk through the valley 
Of the shadow of death,
Your perfect love is casting out fear.
And even when I´m caught in the middle 
Of the storms of this life,
I won´t turn back; I know You are near.

And I will fear no evil,
For my God is with me.
And if my God is with me,
Whom then shall I fear? Whom then shall I fear?

O no, You never let go,
Through the calm and through the storm
O no, You never let go,
In every high and every low
O no, You never let go, Lord You never let go of me.

And I can see a light that is coming
for the heart that holds on 
A glorious light beyond all compare.
And there will be an end to these troubles,
But until that day comes,
We´ll live to know You here on the earth.

Yes, I can see a light that is coming 
For the heart that holds on,
And there will be an end 
To these troubles, 
But until that day comes,
Still I will praise You, 
Still I will praise You. 

I really needed to hear everything Woody had to say tonight... though some might say it was disjointed and simple... 
1. Catling always says that he is held to a higher standard because he is a professor... Teachers... or anyone that is supposed to be more experienced in christianity would be better off tying a millstone around their neck and launching themselves out into the surf than causing a small new christian to stumble.  This goes for me too... I have to live a life that is fully acknowledging always my dependence on the Lord and my weakness without him.

2. I have to be aware of my reactions towards people who have wronged me... do i a. not say anything out of fear of confrontation? 
b. not say anything to them but turn to the like-minded individuals around me and enjoy the "safety" of telling them what a person did to me? 
or c.  confront them out of a desire to see them shamed and hear an apology?

i shouldn't be doing any of these... 
i need to function constantly out of a heart that finds full satisfaction in Jesus.  One that understands that I've done many awful things its ridiculous and yet the Lord sees beauty because of his son.  I should see that in others as well... (this does not negate the need to rebuke another person when they've wronged you... simply remember to do it in LOVE & keeping in mind that "hurt people hurt people" ).

the disciples response is to ask for an increase of Faith.
WHY: because they know that these 2 things Jesus asks of them would be impossible on their own strength (DO THIS EMILY!)

and Jesus describes a faith that could throw a mulberry tree into the sea.


Mulberry trees have such tangled roots that it was rumored in Jesus time that it would take over 600 years to untangle them.

So Jesus is giving us an option... 
We can go into the sea with our millstone... prideful and of no more use to the Lord.
or we can, with his great power, throw our tangled impossible situations into the sea.

Lord, please take this thing i'm dealing with this week... and launch it into the sea... increase my faith Lord and give me the patient loving-kindness (hessod) to rebuke in LOVE these girls that have wronged me.


I dreaded that first Robin, so,
But He is mastered, now,
I'm some accustomed to Him grown,
He hurts a little, though

I thought if I could only live
Till that first Shout got by
Not all Pianos in the Woods
Had power to mangle me

I dared not meet the Daffodils
For fear their Yellow Gown
Would pierce me with a fashion
So foreign to my own

I wished the Grass would hurry
So when 'twas time to see
He'd be too tall, the tallest one
Could stretch to look at me

I could not bear the Bees should come,
I wished they'd stay away
In those dim countries where they go,
What word had they, for me?

They're here, though; not a creature failed
No Blossom stayed away
In gentle deference to me
The Queen of Calvary

Each one salutes me, as he goes,
And I, my childish Plumes,
Lift, in bereaved acknowledgement
Of their unthinking Drums


row row rows of houses
which one is for me?
warily warily warily warily
i miss my seafoam green.

ode to the struggle of dealing with my future roommate situation and my wish that i could just live with meaghan.

i made 100 dollars in 15 minutes.

love the job.

i made 4 banners in 15-20 minutes and now i have a hundred dollar check on the way...


sooner rather than later....

FALCOR will be mine.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

i'm very excited.

duke 127 at 6:00
COREM DEO --- theological panel

to have or to be?

do we have souls or are we souls?
do we have bodies or are we bodies?

the elite theological and art professors on campus in a huge discussion.

i am absolutely THRILLED.

for peter's guilt show.

get string.
get sharpies. that are black.

organic souls.


i'm imagining the giant fabric of the world... 
and God taking his sowing shears and cutting out the mountains and rivers, otters and urchins, fields and fauna.... la la la. 
just cutting away....
fabric falls and folds and is created...

then he fashions people...

but we are special.

our souls are the excess trimmings of what made up the mountains and grass, bird wings and honeycombs.

God lets the pieces fall and they land on his large table.... organic in their fallen folds.

thats what we are...

we are the excess trimmings.
organic fallen folds.


Monday, March 9, 2009

every word is right.

eyeless in the morning sun you were
pale and mild
a modern girl
taken with thought still prone to care
making tea in your underwear.

You went out in the yard to find
something to eat and clear your mind
and something bad inside me went away.

todays is gloriously overcast.
lay on my tan down comforter with my brown knit blanket.
soft pillows. they drifted in cool breezes yesterday.  they smell nicely nows.

oversized flannel, leggings and moccs.  
i can tell a sloww morning by the tender way i slip on my moccassins.  its like gliding into water... when you do it slowly... or when you take your hand and let your palm rest on a lake as though it is a glass surface... gentle.

i let it sink in.

thought. on all that jassszs.

breathing isn't laboured ... because its a vacation.
its nice to breathe once in a while... like today.  its just nice.

listening to this song and some seabear. BUT NOT TOO LOUDDDDD. staring at the stained teabags, cranes and drawingsLAND OF THE LOSTthat are flouting on my mobile.

you and me we used to be strangers but now we are just strange.

streem of conciousness.
in real.

my window is becoming more glowingly white... which means the sky's intensifying in brightness... 
i got a package today... my mom sent me a beautifufluflufl card with an image.  
i'm going to put it on a blog.
really beautiful.

i love poeple.

Quaking leaves and broken light,
shifting skin,
the coming night,
the bearers of all good things arrive.
Climb inside us twist and cry.
A kiss on your molten eyes
myriad lives like blades of grass
yet to be realized.
Bow as they pass.

They are cold... still,
waiting in the ether to form.... feel,
kill, propagate, only to die.

Dissolve.... magically, absurdly, they'll end,
leave... dissipate, coldly and strangely return.

Sunday, March 8, 2009


I'm in starbucks just off campus right now... 
read Frindle for children's literature and now I just want to reflect...

I love how GOOD teachers seem to be the wisest.

Mrs. Granger is like Mr. Hartenstein... knowing whats best and maybe not saying it.
Mrs. Granger is like Mrs. Smith... Pushing for the traditions that have worked forever but seeking out ways to inspire the individual NEW child in her class.
Mrs. Granger is like Mr. Ernst... enduring critical spirits to push for everyone's best.

I always think about all of the incredibly trying teachers I have had... 
I have had a lot of good teachers.   

1st Grade   Mrs. Wakeling sends me a christmas card every year.  my first grade teacher who retired the year after I had her.  Who punished me for blurting out in class the first time I realized what it meant to count.  Who first showed me what it meant to bear the responsibility of being a smart reader.

2nd & 3rd Grade  Mrs. Covington who never corrected with red pen because she believed in the power that color had over students.  Who had been a part of the civil rights movement.  Who taught me that the things that had been impassioned inside of me were important and deserved exploration.  Who patiently sat with all of the strong willed 8 or so girls who constantly had arguments at recess.... talking us through our disagreements.  Who introduced me to the word "idiosyncrasy" and taught me to spell it.

4th Grade  Mrs. Knapp who patiently endured my inability to apply myself to homework.  Who let me have both the cd case and the book I had stared at during our points spending day; looking me into the eyes as though she were handing me excalibur. Who loved backrubs.  Who introduced us all to fear as she went through her heart surgery.

5th Grade Mr. Bailey  who taught me about all of the individuals in my class and gave me my introduction to teachers who love the Lord in the public school system and the secret alliance that is brought through this knowledge.

6th -8th Grade Mr. Ernst who in the sweet discipleship of his bible study taught me that patient endurance and simple love.  Who's quick temper frustrated me and showed me that people are flawed and though they still love the Lord.

7th Grade Mrs. Smith who's gentle grandmother-like ways taught everyone respect and love for the elderly.  Whose dutiful work ethic showed me the shortcomings of my own. Who taught me more geography than any other teacher i've had and then taught me to breathe.  Who taught me that sweet old white haired granny's can drive yellow convertibles. 

8th Grade Mr. Lepine   who was the first teacher crush I ever had ;).  And who actually gave me an appreciation for Science and the mechanics of the world.

9th Grade  Mr. Schlegel who showed me I was different even amongst the artists; I was special.  
9th-present Grade :)  Mr. Hartenstein  who made me feel like his equal... both just on a journey to learn as much as possible.  Who showed me how to love people like Simon... Who's lighthearted view on the travels of the world has inspired me and made me feel both breakable and invincible and really alright.

10th- 12th Grade  Mrs. Cathy Cain who showed me that childlikeness & wonder is the most admirable quality in an artist.  Who praised me and grew disappointed in my shortcomings and laziness.  Who pointed out my faults in a loving reinforced manner.

11th Grade Ms. June Yi   who's perfection taught me about my lazy attitude towards work.  Whose expectations of her bright students told me to excel and push.  Whose own personal disciplines inspired me to no end and who taught me more in 10 months about writing and reading than I did in the 10 years preceding.

12th Grade Mr. Seibert  who's personal discovery of nirvana allowed everyone around him to benefit.  Whose love for learning and absorbing and his own poetic spirit inspired and found itself to be kindred with mine own.  Who united meaghan, anna and i in our love for something indescribable... 

maybe its looking for REAL.

"for real"

which is interesting.... i've been toying with this phrase for a while... i think it will end up being the name of a show i do at some point.

Saturday, March 7, 2009

album leaf: streamside

Today, i woke up, showered, got dressed, gathered my items and walked to starbucks.

I sat there, ate a bagel, drank some passion tea, did homework.

Brian was in there when I got there reading My Antonia.

I love Brian... what a pleasant person.
Its funny how people you like remind you of other people you like. :)
maybe we are all a lot simpler than we think.

: eastern glow

I've gained perspective this weekend.

On the importance of my education again... it appears that while you are at school this has to happen quite often.... or you get caught up in nothingness.

i love the elevation of my room.

when birds fly in their families across the sky... they are at my level.

and i see them easily.

:moss mountain town.

yesterday i was in starbucks for 3 something hours and i really only answered 1 question from my homework.
certainly i finished 3 assignments when i came back... but its just interesting how distracted I can get.

my children are going to explore the world endlessly.

i'm going to encourage it.

i hope God gives me patience now so that in the future i will always answer questions and direct my children towards answers for themselves.

its just funny how I'm interested in learning to differentiate between all of the Harod's and who built what and who owned which province and what not... 
its not even my homework.

: the light


so the 3.4 GPA wasn't like... awful... i accepted it....

3.95 competitive is outrageous.

theres like no possible way. 
so yeah... great.



well,  its call has resumed.

basically what we are looking at now is an extreme need to get good grades.
i will go.

Friday, March 6, 2009

my favourites.

Dear God. If you watch in Church on Sunday I will show you my new shoes.
Dear God, I went to this wedding and these people kissed right in church. is that OK?

Our staple food swapped for sweets.

The contemporary church needs to halt all this nonsense of becoming RELEVANT.

Christ's message is about as relevant as it gets already... 
he loves you as you are??

come on now.

so what is all this nonsense of watering down the gospel?
Why would we feed people the lie that God is tame?  
"he is not a tame lion, but he is good."

The gospel is beautiful in its ferocity and unequivocal in its glorious and frightening truth.

We think we need to come up with all these new ways to present the outrageous gift God has given us but what we really need is to actually understand what it is ourselves... and become alright with the idea that we may never fully understand it...
that we shouldn't.
its unexplainable.
AND THAT is why its so delightful.

‘Variety may be the spice of life, but it is not life itself. It is that bread of life, that peace of God which is the very stuff of life itself, for which men’s souls are starving in these days’. -Geoffrey Anketell Studdert KennedyThe Wicket Gate(London: Hodder and Stoughton, 1923).

this quote is what i would like to say to every youth pastor out there who thinks they need to water down the gospel for teenagers whose brains are disintegrating.
how about we believe in youth and ask them to stand up and really learn... 
that is my theory on how people take interest into things... they realize that though difficult they have the ability to understand it if they work hard at it.
don't insult the creation of the mind... utilize its full potential and ask people to reason through the reality of christology and all that entails.

stolen... but WONDERFUL.

Robert W. Jenson & Solveig Lucia Gold, Conversations with Poppi about God: An Eight-Year-Old and Her Theologian Grandfather Trade Questions (Grand Rapids: Brazos Press, 2006). 158 pages. ISBN: 97815874321613.Review copy courtesy of Brazos Press.

When was the last time you had a conversation about baptism, temptation, purgatory, time, economics, the Nicene Creed, creation, the Trinity, Christmas, metaphysics, church calendars, evil, indulgences, the Holy Spirit, liturgy, Lucifer, hamsters, a ‘really stupid’ bishop, the disestablishment of the Roman Church, theimago Dei, and a host of other things, all with the same person? When was the last time you did so with a person who just happens to be a world-renowned Lutheran, and ecumenical, theologian? When was the last time you did so with an eight-year-old who knows more about Dante than not a few philosophy undergrads?

In this remarkable book, we are invited to eavesdrop on a spontaneous and unscripted conversation between elementary schoolgirl Solveig Lucia Gold and her septuagenarian grandfather affectionately called ‘Poppi’, more formally known as the Reverend Canon Professor Dr. D. Robert W. Jenson, B.A., B.D., M.A., D.Theol., D.H.L., DD.

The book comprises the verbatim transcripts - with minor editing of ‘Ums’, ‘Well, buts …’ and ‘You knows…’, etc - of conversations recorded on a Radio Shack cassette recorder over a series of weekends in which Solveig visited her grandparents (‘Poppi’ and ‘Mimi’) in Princeton. After each session, Mimi typed it up.

The authors invite us to read their book ‘as you would a Platonic dialogue, though in this one, the role of Socrates goes back and forth’ (p. 10). Their discussion is more wide-ranging than most systematic theologies, and is filled with wit, warmth and wisdom.

Time for an example:

Solveig: How can God pick who goes to heaven or hell?

Poppi: By looking at Jesus, who loves you, Solveig.

Solveig: Can you show me?

Poppi: One way of saying what happened with Jesus is that Jesus so attached himself to you that if God the Father wants his Son, Jesus, back, he is stuck with you too. Which is how he picks you. (p. 20)

The young Episcopalian and her ‘sort of half Anglican and half Lutheran’ (p. 70) Poppi return to some themes a number of times over the weekends. One such theme that offers some of the book’s richest insights concerns the Spirit, or ‘God’s liveliness’ (p. 38), as the good Professor Dr Poppi likes to remind his granddaughter. Solveig tries on more than one occasion to argue a case that the second and third articles in the Creed ought to be reversed not only because ‘all of us share in the Spirit’ (Father and Son included), but also because that’s how you cross yourself. Poppi agrees, ‘Father, Spirit, Son is probably a better arrangement’ (p. 146). The Spirit is also ‘God’s own future that he is looking forward to’ (p. 42). They compare God’s liveliness with Santa Claus who is ‘sort of like a messenger from the Holy Spirit - in a way’ (p. 100), before coming to discern the spirits to see if they are from God, for whom to have Spirit means that he ‘doesn’t stay shut up in himself … but that the goodness and mercy - and wrath, when it comes to that - that is in God blows out from him to hit you and me. And that means that just like your spirit is yours and not mine, even though your spirit effects me, so God’s Spirit is his and not a spirit like Santa Claus’ (p. 101).

In between laughs, they talk about what it is about Holy Communion - Solveig’s ‘favourite part of going to church’ because she gets to ‘stretch and walk around a little’ (p. 31) - that means that ‘the wine should be the very best’ (p. 33) and that dissolvable bread should be banned. The meal should be appetising, and not like those baptisms ‘when they just dribble a couple of drops on the baby’ (p. 34). They also talk about a confirmation service led by ‘this weird bishop guy’ who is ‘really stupid’ (p. 34).

While I’m trying to resist the temptation to share every gem in the book (and there are lots), allow me one more, this time on heaven, purgatory, and hell:

Solveig: Do you think of where you might go after you die as two places or three places? I think of it as three places.

Poppi: What three is that?

Solveig: Heaven, purgatory, and hell.

Poppi: So you hold to the doctrine of purgatory?

Solveig: Yes.

Poppi: You know that is very controversial.

Solveig: Why? It’s in Dante, isn’t it?

Poppi: Well, it’s in Dante, yes. But of course, Dante isn’t exactly in the Bible.

Solveig: No. But he’s still …

Poppi: The thing about purgatory is that it’s a very reasonable idea. It’s just that we don’t know if it is true.

Solveig: Except … Maybe God thinks that you should just go to two places. If you are bad, he has no patience with you at all, and he will just sort you to go to heaven or hell. I think that is reasonable enough.

Poppi: That God is impatient?

Solveig: Yes.

Poppi: That’s where I think the notion of purgatory is reasonable. I don’t think the Bible talks about God’s being impatient in quite that way.

Solveig: If he isn’t impatient, maybe he doesn’t want us to spend time thinking about where we should go.

Poppi: You know that plate that your mother and father gave us that hangs on the wall in the dining room?

Solveig: Yes.

Poppi: Remember what it says on it?

Solveig: I don’t remember what it says.

Poppi: It says, ‘I desire not the death of the wicked.’

Solveig: ‘As I live, saith the Lord God, I have no pleasure in the death of the wicked.’

Poppi: Right. So the biblical God takes no pleasure in sending people to hell, and that’s why I think that purgatory is a reasonable idea. The problem is we don’t have any way of knowing whether the purgatory idea is true or not.

Solveig: It’s just Dante’s idea.

Poppi: Well, it was older than Dante.

Solveig: It was?

Poppi: Yes.

Solveig: Yes. Well, see, I think of Dante as a theologian, in a way.

Poppi: He was a very great theologian.

Solveig: Yeah, I know. I’m saying that he kind of liked to make up things he wasn’t quite sure about, if you know what I mean.

The delightful exchanges in this album offer us a model of how good theological dialogue can and should take place: with mutual respect and humility which delights in both the giving and the receiving; with an eye on the scripture, an eye on the tradition, and an eye on the world (for those who possess at least three eyes); and within an environment of safety in which no idea is too whacky and no avenue of enquiry cut off prematurely.

Carl Braaten’s words regarding this book are worth repeating,

Robert Jenson has created a new medium, with his granddaughter Solveig, to teach the basics of the Christian faith. Just as Martin Luther wrote his Small Catechism for children, this book of conversations covers the beliefs and practices of the Christian church - among them the commandments, the Lord’s Prayer, the Creed, and the sacraments - in a way that parents, regardless of their denomination, can confidently read and discuss with their children. Robert Jenson has translated the core convictions of his two volumes of Systematic Theology into simple truths that his eight-year-old grandchild can understand in the course of their unrehearsed and lively conversations. If you want to know what a sophisticated theologian really believes, listen to him explain the mysteries of the Christian faith to a child in simple terms without being simplistic.