Thursday, December 25, 2008

with love at christmas

I wish my friends all knew how much I love them.

Even more than that, I wish they all knew how much Jesus loves them.

Today, I was just in awe of Jesus coming to earth at all...
I know not everyone believes Jesus was the son of God, or that God exists at all, but if a person was willing to play along and look at this concept... with all of its many facets... I think one would be willing to admit, the news is astonishingly good.

If it WAS true.... just imagine... God, the timeless being, the origin of all good things, creator of everything that we stop to stare at... the one who imagined romance, words, music, feelings, stars, mitochondria, feathers, COLORS, the way bare branches look framed against deep, dark skies....
HIM, that God... what if after creating us his great love gave us the option to love him back or not... the REAL sort of love... not forced but up to you....
But at the same time He knew that loving Him would be the best thing for us... the only way for us to really understand beauty.
That choice, that I'm confronted with a million times every day, i so consistantly fudge up.

This messed up world filled with the mistakes of humans. Wars, and malnutrition, rape and pollution. Hate and envy, death and tyranny.
Jesus looked down and kept loving us. Heart broken for his creation that chose not to love Him but pursued their own selfishness.
WHY!!?! it makes NO sense to me. He had given us our chance. He filled our world with the most intricate display of His being and love towards us. (I'm constantly in awe that he created so many variations of things, and the ability in our brains to pursue their meaning and niche).
How did we miss Him?
How do I miss Him?
every day?
Why don't I exalt him every time I see someone smile? YOU created that God!? You are BRILLIANT and AMAZING! AND YOU HAVE A SENSE OF HUMOUR??
but though he'd given us our chance... he didn't give up on us.

Instead he saw us in our despair and said, "Get me a body."

He came down and he didn't take on the form of a conquerer, trumpets blaring as he rode in to set us straight.

...He came as a baby?
It's just so darn weird!!!
And as though that wasn't enough he had to come in the most awfully perfect time in history.
Mary endured birthing the KING of the UNIVERSE alone in a dirty cave with a bunch of gross animals. She laid God in a trough for animals. His ministry took place amongst prostitutes and liars. He called high school drop outs to come and be his followers. He died the most painful death mankind has created.

THIS is why for me, Jesus is the love of my heart.
Because he knew ME.

Knew that it was this ability to use the stupid, poor, and hypocritical that would cause me to love Him.
That would open my eyes and display his character.

He didn't HAVE to come to earth.
WHY not just delete this feeling that something isn't right. That war isn't the answer. GET RID of the part of my brain that tells me over and over that there is MORE and it isn't sex and it isn't being smarter. The knowing that whatever it is THIS day that I turn to distract me momentarily from the EMPTYNESS won't help. Just get rid of this thing in humans that searches for more more more.

Jesus fills my emptyness.
He smiles and love me. He changes my heart so that I can stop hating and being annoyed by Simon and start loving and enjoying him as much as I love Michelle.
Certainly I'm a hypocrite. I say I believe in this beautiful God who is worth dying for and then I settle for spending 5 minutes gossiping and bashing on someone.

But honestly... isn't that the beautiful part of Christmas...
That... I'm not perfect?

Because God took on a body, and then pierced it and felt pain. Went to the farthest extremes to prove his love for me?
I still don't choose to love him as I should.... I mess up every day.

but... He assures me that he'd never take it back.

It makes no sense. And it makes me whole.

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