touch.

for my art and faith class I'm supposed to contemplate what I touch this week.

i can't distance my touching from relational touch.

i keep trying to remind myself to think of the physical objects I gravitate to but it just doesnt really happen.

i could tell you the types of clothes i like... i know that anthropologie has the best feeling fabrics but they don't necessarily fill my wardrobe because i cannot afford them.

my room at home has a lot more physically appealing things.

aesthetics are a big part of what makes or breaks objects to me.... i think touch plays a role in this but not huge.

i cannot distance myself from the major events of the past week and weekend.

1. the interactions between those who love me and those who don't.

2. god's provision.

1. a.  the incredible complexities of relationships... my word.

people that i've invested in who are not aware of big pictures it seems.

girls who prefer catty, pettiness to investing in real lasting relationships.

boys who are too lazy to realize that their actions today will affect who they are surrounded with tomorrow.

people in general who lose sight of the big picture and allow themselves to be fooled into thinking that their motives are pure when their actions indicate a mere venting of personal confusion and frustration.

b. people who somehow are capable of REALLY knowing the worst parts of me and loving me all the same.

you can really see that Jesus is working in someone when their love gives them absolutely nothing back and yet they are active and JOYFUL in their sacrifice.

michelle's tender offerings of prayer and recitation of small verses touched me.

andrea's discreet reminders constantly throughout the day touch me.

grahm's ability to love me after what i did to him and to consider me his best friend all the same touches me every time we talk.

my dad's tender emails touch me because of how different they seem now that i'm away and i can tell he misses me.

it's just interesting to see ... idk how to describe it ... but the intangible... indescribable difference between people who really love you... and people who see you as simply a place holder for their time.

i want to pursue the latter relationships.

especially after what andrea said yesterday about her perspective of looking on and being so frustrated at the ties i've made with unhealthy situations and people.

michelle basically said the same thing... 

2.  God has done so much for me.

i know i've already written about it but... the desk.

such a tangible blessing.

i can't really say anymore after that... wow.