estella.

i know my intentions were different.

and yet... the result seems the same...
sigh.

Not with a club the heart is broken,
Nor with a stone;
A whip, so small you could not see it,
I've known

To lash the magic creature Till it fell,
Yet that whip's name too noble
Then to tell.

Magnanimous of bird
By boy descried,
To sing unto the stone
Of which it died.

Heart, we will forget him!
You and I, to-night!
You may forget the warmth he gave,
I will forget the light.

When you have done, pray tell me,
That I my thoughts may dim:
Haste! lest while you're lagging,
I may remember him!

He fumbles at your spirit
As players at the keys
Before they drop full music on;
He stuns you by degrees

Prepares your brittle substance
For the ethereal blow,
By fainter hammers, further heard,
Then nearer, then so slow

Your breath has time to straighten,
Your branin to bubble cool,-
Deals one imperial thunderbolt
That scalps your naked soul.

change me

I stayed up til 4 30 reading the word.... not well I might add... I was incredibly distracted...
It's really hard not to read the bible like we do in my classes.
I need to figure out how to balance the romantic feel I once felt from it with the intellectual puzzling we do in classes.

I'm not eating today.

Honestly, I think the most heartbreaking thing is that I don't ever see my friend stoop to cruelty when people are unkind or mess up. Writing things to let everyone know in a poetic way exactly how awful a person is ... that's wrong.
It isn't forgiveness. I don't really have any place to say that... I keep forgetting the person is ME they are talking about... and I want to correct them....
It's unattractive and not as respectful to bash on people in this way.
Very unJesus-like.
I know I've done it before and I know how easy it is.





Did I break your heart by
Straying so far?
From what you have in mind
For my life?

Would you change me from
Who I've been lately?
'Cause I know I'm nothing
Without you

Did my words betray the
Patience I once claimed
Can't you see it in my face?
I need your grace

Would you change me from
Who I've been lately?
'Cause I know I'm nothing
Without you
Would you save me from
The way I've been lately?
'Cause I can't see living
Without you

my heart is so broken.
i can't believe i did this to my best friend....

Lord, please.

How great are Your ways such encompassing grace,
Love that reaches beyond each defense,
Your mercy disarms the most broken of hearts,
Such complete and profound faithfulness....

How could I thank you?
I love You, Lord.
I love You, Lord.
I love You, Lord.

I LOVE YOU LORD.

3 steps backwards

Lord, draw me into that shining barrier.
Prune at the tree of our love.