Ruth.

im so excited for how much work  Chris is putting into the Ruth series.

after just doing an intense study in Ruth i'm amazed at how much he unpacked from the 6 verses yesterday.

its like being home at solid rock... minus josh white's amazing language and singing.

today i have 3d design.  my 2nd sculpture is due wednesday eek!

i have to finish my luke acts homework...

and then meet in the marshburn library for childrens lit :)

tomorrow art and faith TOUCH discussion.

as well as 2d design (AH my project i neeeed to start)

dumb. um.

really... this whole thing with kyler specifically just pisses me off cause it makes me feel like i was such a total idiot last semester.

touch.

for my art and faith class I'm supposed to contemplate what I touch this week.

i can't distance my touching from relational touch.

i keep trying to remind myself to think of the physical objects I gravitate to but it just doesnt really happen.

i could tell you the types of clothes i like... i know that anthropologie has the best feeling fabrics but they don't necessarily fill my wardrobe because i cannot afford them.

my room at home has a lot more physically appealing things.

aesthetics are a big part of what makes or breaks objects to me.... i think touch plays a role in this but not huge.

i cannot distance myself from the major events of the past week and weekend.

1. the interactions between those who love me and those who don't.

2. god's provision.

1. a.  the incredible complexities of relationships... my word.

people that i've invested in who are not aware of big pictures it seems.

girls who prefer catty, pettiness to investing in real lasting relationships.

boys who are too lazy to realize that their actions today will affect who they are surrounded with tomorrow.

people in general who lose sight of the big picture and allow themselves to be fooled into thinking that their motives are pure when their actions indicate a mere venting of personal confusion and frustration.

b. people who somehow are capable of REALLY knowing the worst parts of me and loving me all the same.

you can really see that Jesus is working in someone when their love gives them absolutely nothing back and yet they are active and JOYFUL in their sacrifice.

michelle's tender offerings of prayer and recitation of small verses touched me.

andrea's discreet reminders constantly throughout the day touch me.

grahm's ability to love me after what i did to him and to consider me his best friend all the same touches me every time we talk.

my dad's tender emails touch me because of how different they seem now that i'm away and i can tell he misses me.

it's just interesting to see ... idk how to describe it ... but the intangible... indescribable difference between people who really love you... and people who see you as simply a place holder for their time.

i want to pursue the latter relationships.

especially after what andrea said yesterday about her perspective of looking on and being so frustrated at the ties i've made with unhealthy situations and people.

michelle basically said the same thing... 

2.  God has done so much for me.

i know i've already written about it but... the desk.

such a tangible blessing.

i can't really say anymore after that... wow.

michelle is the best. and God is even better.

so as hurt as my feelings are right now...

i can't believe how amazing my Lord is.

I think it's weird how my faith is... someone just told me another person felt that my faith needed to be tested... 

first of all my faith is tested every day... (i dont really understand why another Christian who loved Jesus would think it was their job to personally make sure they "put me in my place" or whatever... considering we are supposed to be spurring each other on in love and whatnot... pretty sure that the world is hard enough without the people that are supposed to be encouraging you trying to tear you apart... :/ )

its ok though...

because i have honestly been given way more than i should by the Lord.

How could I ever doubt his love?

How could I ever question his mercy?  

He woke me up today to make sure that andrea, sara and i would go on that beautiful hike.

if we hadn't gone we wouldn't have been able to bless those girls... we wouldn't have been blessed by getting to know all those other people.

He gave me a freaking desk... i'm actually crying when I think about that... like... WHO ARE YOU!?!?!?!  You love me beyond anything.... 

gosh i love you jesus.

AND...

beyond and worth more than any of those things...

You gave me michelle.

Jesus, I wish she was here so bad.

Her love for me is just like yours.  You are way too good to give us each other.  Two people on earth are rarely so lucky.

Every time... God,

You put the words in her head to say that are perfect.

It was so encouraging to hear her quote the scripture you're placing on her heart... I miss telling her every day what you taught me and hearing every day what you brought her through.

"The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still."

How would she know apart from you Lord, that you would squeeze my hand as she said that.

k

andrea's here... so its time to go to trader joes.

thank you jesus...

so i'm out in the sun....

reading for Luke/Acts with Andrea, Sara, and Sam....

we just returned from hiking the "A" at 6:30 this morning.... came back and had pancakes with the RD.  

God woke me up at 5:50 today... so I knew he wanted me to do that hike... something special about today...

can't wake up for my 10:40 class but my body can wake me up for a sunrise hike without an alarm... Hahaha

except it makes me wonder if I thought of every day as intentionally being woken up to honor the Lord.... hmm

ANYWAYS.

Lauren Reed just walked over to me... "Emily, we have a drafting table in the back of my car.  It was my grandpa's ... It's mine now but I don't have any way to use it.... I heard you needed a table for your studio space."

soooooo

i shook her parents hands...

thanked the Lord and now I have a flipping amazing drafting table for my studio space. 

wow.

God is good.

ALL THE TIME.

even on beautiful days where he blesses you a lot.

walking.

i love kara walker...

i was stunned jr year... still stunned... she's brilliant.

CREEPY

but dang.

i would love to see an exhibit of hers... 

look at these slides and things from the art 21 video... her site isn't THAT well done cause you can't look at really any of her stuff.

http://www.pbs.org/art21/artists/walker/index.html#

i love being a girl.

i'm sorta tired of the sorts of girls that pretend they aren't girls.

"i'm such a boy"

no.  you aren't. you are just aware of the well known fact that girls are really stupid about a lot of things.

Certainly, I think the games girls play get old.

but i still find myself doing them every once in a while.

I feel like a lot of the girls who identify themselves as boys are really just taking a different route to get attention than most girls.

Andrea, and Lauren are some of the most boyish girls I've ever met.  They are laid back and able to include everyone in a conversation without pushing their own agenda.  

My biggest reason for hanging out mostly with boys is because girls seem to constantly want to name drop and let you know more and more about how THEY are cool.... how THEY were the first to know about something... who stinking cares??!?

Boys want to push their agenda through these strange and foreign respect struggles that they push up against each other... but its too subtle for me to pick up on very often so I just feel more comfortable around them.

Andrea and Lauren are girly.

We enjoy clothes... we enjoy relationships and analyzing them.... we like fixing things through conversation.

We view the Lord in the same way from our girl perspective... 

but they are so restorative in their just being.

Meaghan is like that too... just like a restorative person.

I HOPE that I can be like that for people sometime.. but I'm pretty sure I am one of the girls that is pushing my agenda a lot too...  darn.