blindness :
something no one wants to happen to them.
blind people in scripture are healed in ways similar to sickness.
blindness is often used to signal in literature the person who "sees" clearest.
people who were healed of their blindness saw Jesus WITHOUT seeing him... and then when healed the first thing they saw was his face.
people who are blind and love jesus will see him when they die and he will be the first thing they see.
withered and cracked bones :
jon wallace told me to "just stay withered for a while"
i underlined several psalms (including 51... which is following Davids sin with Bathsheba) that use the word "withered" and "cracked bones"
apparently when a sheep wandered away from its shepherd ... into the hills where the wolves are the shepherd would leave the flock behind and search for the lost lamb. upon finding the sheep lost and in the hills he would break all four of its legs and then tenderly place the bleeding sheep over his shoulders and carry it home. As the sheep remained around its masters neck for the next several months it would heal, until when it was finally ready to walk again. This sheep who had been properly disciplined would never leave the shepherds side.
straightjackets:
i got this image of a straightjacket ... which has always been a sign of horror for me... likely due to films and television shows...
but this time the phrase of "a merciful straightjacket" appeared in my head... and thats what they are aren't they? humanities restraint so people cannot hurt themselves or others.
i was incredibly disturbed in reading The Red Tent at a part where following the murder of her husband Dinah begins to claw at her own neck until blood flows.
Her mother in law and the woman's brother have to restrain her in order to keep her from hurting herself... even in the night when she is dreaming... she needs their control.
i'm so distracted sometimes that its like i need someone who understands my add to come and just grab my head and make me focus.... i need a sort of merciful straightjacket so i will stop clawing at my own neck and doing damage to myself through these painful distractions.
MERCIFUL & LOVING RESTRICTIONS
was God's themed message for me tonight.
The Way was super good, with a simple straightforward and much needed sermon on what exactly sin is... how we do it... how we avoid confronting it... and why it is that we need Jesus... and finally, what he does FOR us that we must accept to be made whole.
But God really wanted to emphasize for me in these three different images that there are things he does that can appear restraining in a horrible way but are really because he is like my loving father screaming at me to keep out of the street.
I realized that i could be blind.... i choose it... it would be a blessing... in this case it seemed to pertain more to my "knowledge" and all that i already seem to KNOW about the lord that BLINDS me to who he is and what he wants to do for me... so in asking for him to gouge out my eyes i am asking for him to give me true sight and to guide me with something other than what i'm used to... to make me uncomfortable and forced to rely on him.
I realized that i want to be crippled. I want to be draped around the Shepherds neck because that sheep is closest to him. Thomas is constantly rebuked by the church for his doubt ... but it is THOMAS that is invited INTO Christ's wounds... to come in and touch them and experience physically Jesus. I want Jesus to break off the branches that aren't bearing good fruit and showing people HIM. I want him to cripple my legs and walk for me... drape me over his shoulders and keep me closest.
this helped me understand so much better why the Lord desires contrite and broken hearts. cause thats what ... here on earth... gets us closest to him.
I realized I want the Lord to tie my hands behind my back and secure my mind on him. I want a merciful straightjacket that will pin me to my seat and force my eyes to look on the cross. I want to experience the firm discipline that only a MUCH LOVED child receives. And I want to be kept from hurting myself and destroying the building blocks the Lord wants to use to build himself up inside me with.
i want to be bound, tied, gagged, and blinded because i KNOW that Jesus is the best thing in the world and if my flesh would just stop being so ridiculous i could experience him.
i asked the lord
